Hot Off The Presses: Pottery Barn Sues PETA

If ONLY this was April 1st I could write this article:

San Francisco, CA - Today lawyers for Pottery Barn filed a lawsuit against PETA (People for Ethical Treatment of Animals) for infringement of Pottery Barn's copyrights.   The lawsuit stated that the use of the term "Arms Barn" in PETA's campaign to stop baseball teams from using the word "bullpen" was a violation of their copyrights and was doing irreparable damage to their business.   

Pottery Barn, in their press release said that the use of the phrase "Arms Barn" was likely to cause them significant loss of sales due to the negative impression it is leaving on their customers.  "Our company has received over 1000 phone calls today alone from customers who said it was disgusting and that they wouldn't come into a store that had 'arms hanging from the ceiling or shelves of arm'" said spokesperson Seramique Potts. 

In a related event, SAOT (Share An Organ Today) decried use of the term "Arms Barn".  In its own release CEO Frank N. Stein said "Organ transplantation is, in many cases, a life-saving procedure.  The frivolous use of the phrase "Arms Barn" demeans every legitimate organization that helps match people with organs."

Meanwhile, sports orthopedists across the country have been beseiged by calls from former major league pitchers asking if the "Arms Barn" was a thing and whether there was an outlet in their area.  One orthopedist who requested anonymity said the he had received 15 calls from Bartolo Colon in one day asking where he should go to pick out a new arm.

The MLPAA (Major League Pitchers Association of America) also spoke out against PETA's proposal stating "Major league pitchers are fine-tuned athletes who have spent, in many cases, most of their lives developing their craft.  To characterize that they are kept in a barn is demeaning to them as professional athletes" The release went on to say "To characterize a human being by a part of their anatomy marginalizes them.   Pitchers are more than their arms.   They are people with families and dreams and, like all humans, deserve to be treated with respect."

TPC (The Prosthetic Collective) also added their voice in opposition to PETA's proposal.  In a video on their website CEO Miles Bennet, stated: "Prosthetics are important to help men, women and children who have lost limbs maintain their independence and worth and our company is making great breakthroughs in prosthetic technology every day.  To suggest that you can buy prosthetic arms at an outlet store is offensive to all the prosthetic manufacturers and the surgeons and physical therapists who every day are really helping people who need prosthetics."  

We reached out to PETA for comment on this outcry against their proposal but, so far, have not received a response.